this morning #1862.

this morning, she felt a burning desire. deep down inside. a literal craving for a jalapeno bagel with ghost pepper cream cheese. the “south of the border.” the spiciest menu item her favorite bagel shop served. punishing edible pleasure. it wasn’t for everyone but she ordered it whenever she needed to remind herself that she was alive. three times this month so far. grab that & a large chocolate milk & take it out to her car. eat it right there in peace where no one else could see. get good & sweaty. chase it with the milk & then chill there for a few minutes. meditate on the feeling of heat as it gravitates from her mouth all the way down to her stomach. shock herself into a state where she can take on the day.