this morning #1390.

this morning, now that the nation is fully committed to the practice of speculatory secularism, we’re going to need to lay down a few rules to cut down on confusion. RULE #1: WE’RE ALL IN. if we’re going to make the bible our guiding text, we can’t pick & choose which parts we want to enforce & which to ignore. RULE #2: GOODBYE FIRST AMENDMENT. if we’re already ignoring the first part of the amendment, we should just chuck the entire thing. no one gets the free speech part anyhow. bonus: the second amendment is now first! RULE #3: BIBLE BUCKS. we put jesus & bible scenes on our cash. i don’t recall anything in the bible that says we can’t. so yeah…let’s start with that. HOLY CRAP. this is going to rule.