this morning #1357.

this morning, we might have a five-alarm crisis on our hands, people. where the hell is pam? someone needs to get her on the phone. STAT. she’ll know what to do. they don’t call her “the fixer” for nothing. just last summer, we were at the annual conference. out all night engaged in “heavy networking.” long story short blah blah blah. cut to the two of us after hours in a huge hotel room with this sleazy guy from milwaukee. such a moustache. dispensing shots. you can tell that he’s angling to sleep with one of us. maybe both. next thing we know, dude drops trou. with a series of shaming phrases, pam gets him to put his pants back on AND he signs a contract the next day. chick’s a goddamn goddess.