this morning #987.

this morning, faced with the infinite expanse of old age, the thought of growing elderly was feeling less appealing with each & every passing day. there once was a time when i foresaw my retirement years as my prime years. i dreamt of pure freedom, a liberation that comes from having to answer to nobody but yourself. that whole framing is now long gone, a relic of the time before the deaths began. once those i’d hoped to share those halcyon years with started dropping away way sooner than expected, i started to wonder if my prime had already passed. i couldn’t picture what fifty more years in this meat suit would even look like. all i knew for certain was that shit’s gonna get wrinkly.