this morning #955.

this morning, pure panic pulled me up out of bed & propelled me into the day in a way that actually turned out to be helpful by nighttime. even though i was fixated on today’s appointment, i managed to fall asleep early last evening. sure, it took a pill to shut the thoughts off but i had no choice. in the end, all it did was stuff my anxieties deep down into my subconscious. i got a few hours of peaceful, uneventful sleep. then my dreams devolved into a dread that became that panic that shook me awake & stayed with me. the day was happening with or without me though, so i sucked it up & handled things. mostly. it all wore me down so much that i won’t need a pill to fall asleep tonight.