this morning #829.

this morning, standing alone out on the lawn outside of my apartment building, i took a series of slow drags & surveyed my surroundings. my heart was pounding, partially from too much coffee & partially from the feeling that i still didn’t belong. over the past year, i’d made a few connections but i’d mostly lived in fear of one of some other tenant calling me out in some over-the-top way. what could i say? i’d never really felt comfortable here and, like with dogs, my neighbors probably smelled my fear. as one of the only white women in the complex, i’d developed what my friends referred to as my “minority complex.” trust me. if i could afford to live anywhere else, i most definitely would.