this morning #1886.

this morning, on the occasion of the dissolution of our love, i lit a candle. then another. threw on some mopey music. a series of songs he couldn’t stand. took down two of the paintings he’d made me. tossed them in the closet. kept the third one up. for now. put a towel over it though. for now. lit another candle just because i could. realized that, two hours removed from our likely final phone call, i still hadn’t cried. not sure why exactly but my insides felt like they were on fire so, lack of crying aside, there were at least some signs of life. the crying would eventually come. for now, for my own good, i had to find something else besides him to occupy my mind. knew it wouldn’t be easy to block out my thoughts but i had to try.